Toddler Talk - Watch your mouth, Mommy!

Remember the movie Meet the Fockers? Oh how I laughed and laughed over the baby’s first word scene. Poor Ben Stiller was still trying to make a good impression on his soon-to-be inlaws and he did not succeed when he allowed their grandson to hear him say the A word. Up until that point, the toddler was holding off his first word and he eagerly repeated his future uncle’s foul language, much to the dismay of Robert DeNiro. I still remember the roar of laughter in the movie theater when that little boy with the angel face made the A word into a hilarious word! I read somewhere that they got the toddler actor to say the word by teaching him that was the word for French fry. I couldn’t help but wonder if he exclaimed that for months afterwards anytime his mom took him to McDonald’s!

As funny as the scene was then, it really hit home once I had a toddler eager to test out his new vocal skills by repeating anything he can get his ears on. As amazing as his vocabulary was before his second birthday, it made me cringe at much of what I or others say. Let me clarify that I am not a foul mouthed person by any stretch of the imagination. Never have been. I still remember crying as a kid when my brother tricked me into saying something about the Hoover Dam then teasing me that I said a curse word! But even now, I would give my language more of a PG rating, maybe PG-13 at certain times of the month. I mean really, sometimes there are just certain words that fit or don’t fit the bill for the occasion. For instance, when you stub your toe for the second time in a row on the coffee table, “oh fooey” just does not do the job.

Such was the occasion around the time Nathan was 18 months old. One normal morning I was carrying him down the stairs listening to him say “down down down stairs.” The next moment I lost my footing and was falling down. Thankfully, I fell backwards and caught the railing with my empty hand. All I did was just slide down one step and sit down. Nathan just laughed…..then said something sounding very much like the "S" word. Realizing that I had uttered that word as I was falling, a wave of guilt washed over me. Just the other day, I told my husband to watch his language as he used that same word while watching some sporting event. Our son was not even in the room, but I have constantly done that to my husband since I was pregnant to prepare him for a future talker…..and repeater! Now here was my sweet little boy saying his first cuss word thanks to me!

I thought quick. “Sit!” I said. “Mommy and Nathan sit down on the step.”

“Sit, Sit! Naney Sit down,” he said. It had worked. The rest of the day, he pretended to sit down hard and continued to say “sit down.” I patted myself on the back for saving that brush with toddler foul mouth.

The next day, my husband dropped a glass in the sink. It banged loudly and chipped against a spoon. Under his breath, he muttered that same dreaded S word. Oh no. Not again. “$#!%” exclaimed a smiling Nathan. He so wanted to repeat the word that he removed his beloved milk-filled sippy cup from his mouth to say it. My husband and I looked at each other. That same guilt flooded him. I tried to come to the rescue but no word sounding like that word came to mind.

“Shirt,” I finally said. “Daddy got water on his shirt!” I pointed to my shirt, then Nathan’s. The rest of the day, he was obsessed with shirts and even started taking them off and putting them on by himself after that. Again, I patted myself on the back. What a fast thinker I am, I thought. No need to worry about my son having potty mouth!

Then the next day we were outside with some friends. Nathan accidentally dropped the ping-pong paddle he was holding. Quickly following......the dreaded S word. Oh no. Luckily no one else noticed. So I decided ignoring this incident was the best policy. I heard it one time the next day and after ignoring it, I think it’s forgotten. At least for a few years!

While I was not happy with the situation, it could have been worse. At least the F word is not said in our house! And really, it just adds to the list of funny toddler bad word stories just like in Meet the Fockers. I still laugh at my now 10-year-old niece going around the house as a toddler saying “cat $#!%!” after she heard her daddy complaining about cleaning the litter box. And how can I not laugh about being called something that rhymes with witch by a 1-year-old.

Apparently, he tried to say “bench” the day before and it came out wrong. When his audience laughed, he took to going up to anyone and saying that word to get a laugh!

What is it about little talkers saying bad words that is so funny? Maybe it is that sweet angelic faces are just a strong contrast to this foul language. Whatever the case, once my son starts talking clearer, I sure hope I don’t hear these words ever again! OK, that’s real wishful thinking. I hope I don’t hear them again for at least 15 more years!