A different birth still a birth, right?

Whoever told me no two pregnancies are the same could not have been more right when it came to mine. I'll post another blog about how different these two boys of mine have been in the womb....and probably follow that up in a few months with how different they were/are as babies! But for now, here's an update from my last month of pregnancy with baby #2.

I went to the doctor for my 37 week appointment yesterday (although I am 38 weeks today) and learned I might have pre-eclampsia. This was met with mixed emotions. While the thought of meeting my little guy this weekend is awesome, the thought of a repeat c-section is not something I had in mind. From the beginning of my pregnancy, I was told I was a good candidate for a vbac (vaginal birth after cesarean). After my rough recovery from my first c-section with my almost 3-year-old son Nathan I really wanted to avoid that pain again. Sure I know there is pain during and after a regular delivery, but the thought of another two weeks of needing help with everything from taking a shower to changing my newborn's diapers and then another month of slow moving, not doing much when I have an active pre-schooler....well, you can imagine my aversion to a c-section!

I had been feeling kind of bad yesterday and thought it was from eating out the night before. I was glad I had a regularly scheduled appointment that day. I'd had some weird feet swelling the past few days, but a trip to CVS to check my BP showed all was fine. Well at the doctor, my blood pressure was really high - 150/100. Normal for me is never more than 118/70, usually somewhat lower than that even. They had me lay on my left side and for 10 minutes and it went down to 120/85. Better. Then, they checked me sitting up. It went back up to 145/98. UGH! Doctor checked my cervix and I was nothing dilated. He then had me come to his office to chat. He started talking about sending me then or the next day to have a repeat c-section. I talked to him about how rough my recovery was with my first and how I was REALLY, REALLY hoping for a VBAC. He was not too keen on it, but thought maybe we could wait a few more days.

He sent me down the hall for a non-stress test. Baby looked great and I was having no contractions. During the test, a nice nurse came and talked to me and as I was talking to her, I broke down crying when I was trying to express how much I wanted the normal birth experience. I know I should not feel like that. I should be happy with healthy children and healthy me. But the thought of being jealous of those who have had successful, normal deliveries upsets me. I don't want to go through life feeling robbed of the birth experience I wanted. Then I got upset feeling selfish about those feelings. My own sister became a mother through adoption. She never got to even experience pregnancy, but it does not make her less of a mother to her child. I knew I needed to recognize that and come to terms with my own feelings.

So anyway, after all that crying, they had me lay down and rest again for a few minutes. I calmed down and then they checked my BP for the last time. Guess what - it was way low - 115/60! Yay! But, I did have other signs of pre-eclampia (protein in urine and nausea), although not all of them (no headache, blurred vision, or sudden weight gain). Final verdict - bed rest today (Friday) and to the hospital Saturday morning. I'm also on the 24 hour urine collection, which is fun! They'll check the urine for protein tomorrow and check my blood pressure several times over a few hours. If it is high at all, then it is off to c/s I go! If it is low, then they'll put me back on bed rest for the rest of the weekend and bring me in on Tuesday to the office for another check.

I'm really hoping that the high BP was from being very active recently. Nausea maybe from dinner and foot swelling just from last month pregnancy. I would love for my BP to be perfectly fine on Saturday and go into labor on my own next week! But if that is not meant to be, then I'll be happy to meet my second little boy this weekend! Wish me luck either way! And what about you? Feel free to leave a reply about differences your birth experiences were from what you had imagined. And be sure and remind me that in the end, it is the baby that matters, not the way he arrived!